Shame

Brene Brown is a person I've come across recently in various posts and TED talks. I haven't read her books yet(buying one today), but appreciate the work and research she is doing to acknowledge and discuss people's inability or unwillingness to talk about anything that may feel uncomfortable or make them seem weak, myself included. 

Feeling like I can't be myself or say how I really feel, because I fear a person's reaction or dissappointment is probably my least favorite feeling. True to my "middle child" sterotype, I like to please or say what people want to hear. It's what, I feel, separates me from people I love. Mixing that with guilt for not being honest. Ugh.

I know lots of others feel the same way. "Let's not talk about it" has become a real separation or disconnectedness for humans. Fear is what keeps us from connecting to others - listening, considering, acknowledging, being tolerant, etc. of others.

Hearing this talk on vulnerability and shame comes not a moment too soon for myself, seeing as I'm doing lots of new things, exploring, making new friends, preparing for family visits; but also as I've become increasingly aware of the things I say to Zooey or the way I parent. The way I phrase things or demand certain behaviors matters. He feels my frustration, lack of patience, or disappointment; and sometimes it makes him stressed or sad or feel guilty or shamed. I don't want him to feel shame - which Dr. Brown defines as not feeling good enough; and I don't want to be the one who shames him.

Even when he's cranky and won't smile in front of a huge Christmas Tree. 

Can you tell my mind is racing? There are lots of things this research makes me think about.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Kelly

Happenings

So, Halloween is done and the real English weather is settling in. One of my favorite new things is to exploring the city as a family. We luckily woke up last Sunday to a beautiful sunny morning and so loaded up on our bikes for a chilly morning spent roaming the street of Oxford. Zooey loves running around the various courtyards near the Bodleian Library.

Yes, I am wearing leg-warmers.

Toddlers are so good at being told to be silent.

We were walking along and I said, "Josh, we have to stop and take a picture." "why?" "Because there are several things that I like all right there together. Trees with Autumn leaves, old buildings with history, narrow cobble-stone streets, blue sky with puffy clouds, green grass, and bikes." "Oh, ok."

Last week for Halloween, my new friend, Rebecca, and I took our kiddos to Millet's farm for the Halloween Howl. 

Z was a super-hero.

Toddler mosh-pit

I love this picture! Z was trying really hard to not get pumpkin slime on his hands. He's using a spoon to scoop it out.

Here I'm showing him a good way to lose a thumb.

Don't worry, i still have all ten fingers

Spookley the square pumpkin!

I don't know when the last time we were all three in a picture together. 

In honor of Spookley and tolerance of others everywhere, Zooey picked out a messed up pumpkin from the patch. I had grown upside down and was pear shaped. He hugged it and happily carried/dropped it all the way to the car. 

Also, he found the bat costume i made for him from last year. I remember packing it, thinking that it still fit. Nope, but Z doesn't mind the 3 quarter length sleeves one bit.

Kelly