Shame

Brene Brown is a person I've come across recently in various posts and TED talks. I haven't read her books yet(buying one today), but appreciate the work and research she is doing to acknowledge and discuss people's inability or unwillingness to talk about anything that may feel uncomfortable or make them seem weak, myself included. 

Feeling like I can't be myself or say how I really feel, because I fear a person's reaction or dissappointment is probably my least favorite feeling. True to my "middle child" sterotype, I like to please or say what people want to hear. It's what, I feel, separates me from people I love. Mixing that with guilt for not being honest. Ugh.

I know lots of others feel the same way. "Let's not talk about it" has become a real separation or disconnectedness for humans. Fear is what keeps us from connecting to others - listening, considering, acknowledging, being tolerant, etc. of others.

Hearing this talk on vulnerability and shame comes not a moment too soon for myself, seeing as I'm doing lots of new things, exploring, making new friends, preparing for family visits; but also as I've become increasingly aware of the things I say to Zooey or the way I parent. The way I phrase things or demand certain behaviors matters. He feels my frustration, lack of patience, or disappointment; and sometimes it makes him stressed or sad or feel guilty or shamed. I don't want him to feel shame - which Dr. Brown defines as not feeling good enough; and I don't want to be the one who shames him.

Even when he's cranky and won't smile in front of a huge Christmas Tree. 

Can you tell my mind is racing? There are lots of things this research makes me think about.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Kelly